Leaders, watch your words!

Preface: This is part of my 10 part series, where I deal with one principle per story. The entire series is based on my book titled, “10 Pragmatic Leadership Principles from the Bible”.

“Words” — ah, I wish we always spoke the choicest of them all.

Before King Saul became the king of Israel, a group of leaders called “Judges” led Israel. Jephthah was one of the notable judges among them. He was a Gileadite and a mighty warrior with valor, renowned for his fiery pursuit against the Ammonites. He had a difficult childhood since his mother was a concubine and his stepbrothers constantly bullied him for his parentage. They spoke condescendingly and rebuked him time and again. When Jephthah grew up, they chased him away and pledged not to share any of their father’s inheritance with him.

Jephthah fled and settled in another town where he ganged up with other vagabondish men, eventually becoming their leader. These men were strong and valiant, involving in brawls and altercations. At that time, the Ammonites were an incessant threat to the Gileadites. They mostly had the upper hand over them and subdued the Gileadites in battle. The Gileadites lacked a strong army to confront the Ammonites.

The tables turned when the Gileadites, having no other choice, went to Jephthah and implored him to lead the Gileadites in the war against the Ammonites. Jephthah instantly took advantage of the situation, took the lead, and declared war against the Ammonite king. Before proceeding to the battleground, he sent word to the Ephramites, who were their neighbors, to help him in the battle. But the Ephraimites despised him and did not answer his call for help. Jephthah took it on himself and went against the Ammonites with his men. He devastated the Ammonite lands and subdued them. There is a history behind the enmity between the Ephramites and the Gileadites. The Ephraimites, who always proclaimed superiority over the Gileadites, felt the Gileadites who lived east of the river Jordan had more independence than deserved. They wanted the Gileadites to be under the authority of them. When they heard Jephthah led the Gileadites to war and won over them, it irked their ego and began inciting them.

Judges 12:1 — The Ephraimite forces were called out, and they crossed over to Zaphon. They said to Jephthah, “Why did you go to fight the Ammonites without calling us to go with you? We’re going to burn down your house over your head.”

The men of Ephraim provoked Jephthah for not involving them in the battle against the Ammonites. He tried to explain how he had urged them to help, but they declined to join. Unconvinced, they persisted in provoking him. He fumed with anger and called together his men to fight against Ephraim.

The Gileadites struck the Ephraimites and conquered the city of Ephraim. Jephthah flared with so much fury that he was determined to annihilate the Ephraimites. He decided to route every Ephraimite, entering or leaving the city. Since it was tricky to figure out one’s origin from mere appearance, the Gileadites framed an interesting strategy.

Whenever a man would pass through the gate, the Gileadites asked if he was an Ephraimite. Everyone indubitably denied, fearing death. They would then casually ask him to utter the word “Shibboleth”. The Ephraimites could not pronounce the “sh” sound. If he replied “Sibboleth” they seized him and killed him because he could not pronounce the word correctly. A whopping forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed just because they could not pronounce the word correctly.

Judges 12:5–6 — 5 The Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim, and whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, “Let me cross over,” the men of Gilead asked him, “Are you an Ephraimite?” If he replied, “No,” 6 they said, “All right, say ‘Shibboleth.’” If he said, “Sibboleth,” because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.

Proverbs 18:21 — Life and death are in the power of the tongue.

This verse cannot be more accurate in the lives of the Ephraimites. Their life was hanging on the very words that proceeded from their mouths.

James 3 refers to the power of the tongue to the small rudder that determines the direction of large ships. Despite being a small part of the human body, it can prove to be a threat if misused. It mentions that nobody can tame the tongue because it is a restless evil packed with deadly poison. As a leader, it is imperative to watch our words and speak wisdom because what we say is what we are.

James 3:8 — But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

“A leader is respected by their words and action. What we say is what we do, and that is what others see in us”

That is why Proverbs 13:3 instructs us to think before we talk.

Proverbs 13:3 — Those who guard their lips preserve their lives,but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

Our words should be gracious, comforting, and beneficial to others. The Bible talks immensely about this quality of using our mouth as an instrument of grace. When the Pharisees and teachers of the law questioned Jesus and their disciples about them not washing hands before eating, Jesus pointedly retorted with an epic response.

Matthew 15:11 — What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.

Here are some insights into what the Bible encourages us to use our words for.

1. Speak graciously

Proverbs 22:11 — One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.

The Bible repeatedly impresses us to be gracious. It is a virtue that needs to be honed from the inside and very difficult to pretend. A courteous person stays gracious, whatever the circumstances might drive them to be. Gracious words are the innate quality of children of God. Be it a spiritual setting like the Church, Bible study, fellowship, or riding a bus, train, or interacting with others at work — whatever the place may be or, whomever the person is, gracious words should flow out of our hearts through the mouth.

“Gracious words are the innate quality of children of God”

The Bible says that with grace on our lips, we can be the king’s friend. In more pragmatic terms, those who endeavor to speak graciously rise higher in their workplace and community. If you are struggling to understand why things aren’t working for you, an introspection into how gracious you are could be an excellent place to start with.

2. Words bring healing

There is no denying the fact that comforting words alleviate people of their pain and anxiety. When I was young, I returned from work one day with a lot of confusion about a particular decision I was going to make. I was very disturbed and racking my brain while I drove back home. As I sat for dinner, I began a conversation with my mom and sought her advice on the decision. During the chat, she quoted Romans 8:28 — God works for the good of those who love him and suggested I should go ahead, without being concerned whether my plan would work or not; either way, it will be for the best. Her advice gave me clarity and peace to proceed with my next steps.

“Gracious words bring healing to others”

Job 4:4 — Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees.

The Bible says words can uphold, strengthen, and heal others, especially in a digital world where everybody is trapped in technology and gadgets resulting in little or no human interaction whatsoever. The number of individuals going through stress and depression is reaching historic highs. Gracious words offer a way to console, comfort, and heal others. Leaders, make an effort to be graceful with your words.

3. Speak wisely

Of all, leaders are the ones everyone looks up to, to hear words of wisdom. A leader says what is appropriate and fitting for that specific scenario. They do not blabber or speak undignified.

When the Pharisees brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, they had only one intention: to provoke Jesus to say something contentious so they could find a way to accuse him. A perfect example of how to use wisdom in words can be summed up in the words Jesus uttered.

John 8:7 — “…let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

Those ten words stumped everyone there — the Pharisees, the woman, the disciples, and the rest of the crowd who came to hear Jesus. He chose words befitting that place and time. Those words triggered people’s conscience; words that made everybody think pragmatically; words that transformed a grisly situation into a calm and serene one. Words were few but replete with wisdom and insight.

Proverbs 20:15 — Gold there is, and rubies in abundance,but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.

The book of Proverbs hails wise words as an invaluable jewel superior in worth to gold and rubies. We should speak wisdom by choosing the right words. It’s high time we realize the power of the words we speak and use them for the betterment of everyone around us. Just like the Ephraimites who lost their lives because of a single word, we may likewise lose many things because of our choice of words!

The only difference between the words’ Shibboleth’ and ‘Sibboleth’ is the letter “h”. I would like to equate it to “Holiness in Words”. Let’s be eager to have holiness in our words. It is a lifestyle and cannot be acquired through any other means than striving to be holy in our thoughts and attitudes. It’s very difficult to be sinful inside and pretend to be holy outwardly. It would show up no matter what. It’s the most awkward experience to see our true selves get exposed to others who trust us.

During my youth, one of our church leaders offered a ride for my friends and me. The leader was a very respectable person, and we had a great time discussing various exciting topics with him as we were traveling. Suddenly, an irresponsible biker cut across our lane, and he had to brake quite hard to avoid a collision. Thankfully there was no contact, and a potential impact was averted. When we came to a screeching halt, the leader lowered the window and, in a moment of insanity, hurled insults and swore at the person, not realizing we were there witnessing this unfortunate spectacle. When he came to his senses, it was a very uncomfortable situation for all of us. Each of us pretended as though we did not hear anything and tried our best to stare away, but the tension inside the car was unsurmountable. I personally wished I could just vanish to save myself from the embarrassing situation.

What went wrong there was the lifestyle of holiness. It is easy to be nice and kind when everything is ok. All humans display that virtue when circumstances are normal. The real test is when matters go beyond our control. How we handle depends on how much we have nurtured the habit of holiness in our life. If we had, then circumstances do not define our behavior; instead, we define how we react. I reiterate — it is a very embarrassing situation when our true self is exposed in front of others. Let’s aim to be holy inside and out.

“Circumstances do not define our behavior; instead, we define how we react”

I heard from a friend about how once she and her boyfriend had been to a restaurant while courting. The man was pious and a person involved in ministry in the local church. While both families were looking forward to them announcing their engagement, she broke the relationship halfway after a particular incident. Incidentally, at the restaurant, the man abused the waiter for accidentally spilling water on him, and it was a big indicator for her to grasp his real self. Though a religious and ministry-focused person, he did not have the virtue of behaving gracefully in a disconcerting situation. That was enough for her to decide he wasn’t the person she wanted to grow old with.

Let’s always remember we are being observed and judged by our actions and words.

Here are a few questions to evaluate ourselves on how well we handle words in our lives. These may not be a comprehensive list but can serve to be a basic foundation to introspect.

The Do’s

1. Am I using wisdom in words?

Proverbs 10:31–32 — 31 From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom,but a perverse tongue will be silenced. 32 The lips of the righteous know what finds favor,but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.

One of the best ways to introspect on this is to recall a recent event that ticked you off, like an altercation with a staff member at a store or even a disagreement with your spouse. Usually, we react abnormally in the heat of the moment. Try and remember the following:

• How long did it take for you to return to normalcy? — This is vital to assess because the quicker you calm down, the less damage you cause. The more nurtured in holiness we are, the quicker we return to sanity and handle the situations better. It could be a significant clue to examine and recuperate.
• How did you react at the peak of the moment? — It would be a good practice to analyze what and how the reaction ensued. Did you yell, use filthy words, aggressively progress towards the person in a surge to hurt them? If you answered yes to one or more, it’s high time we go back to the feet of God and ask for forgiveness. Not only set right with God but resolve to nurture holiness to tackle such circumstances in the future with grace and maturity.

2. Do I impress the wisdom of God’s word to others around me?

Deuteronomy 6:6,7 — 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

God’s word commands us to nurture God’s holiness within us and also impress it on people around us. An excellent place to begin is our own household, especially with children. It is the most valuable lesson they will learn and will be indebted to us for showing them the way of grace. We live in a world where “self” has become more important than others. Our lifestyles have gradually sidetracked to a more selfish path. Children naturally evolve to exercise that as the norm. It would be a great service to teach them to be kind and graceful without any selfish ambitions so that when they grow, they would be torchbearers of grace.

Proverbs 22:6 — Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

As leaders, it is our responsibility to impress such qualities on our team members. There could be reasons for a team member to disagree with others, but there is no excuse legitimate enough for them to be rude or unkind. If you witness a team member displaying such behavior, they need to be immediately counseled and reprimanded. They should be taught why gracefulness in words is an indispensable part of the team’s culture. There is no performance metric or successful sales figure superior to the values exhibited by the team. That should be the core of the culture, and everyone should be extremely clear on this.

3. Are my words comforting to people?

Job 2:11 — When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.

Sometimes a few words of comfort go a long way for others. Particularly for leaders, it is all the more critical to establish yourself as a “counselor” figurehead within the team. Your team should not have any resistance to run to you for counsel. Some leaders go the extra mile that they even counsel the team members on their personal matters too, giving them comfort and courage. I had so many of my reports take me out for a walk or coffee to talk about a personal struggle they were going through and to receive my advice. Sometimes what they expect are just a few words of consolation. I never shy away from those opportunities. I always make use of the moment to help and comfort them with words.

“A leader ought to invest in building that trust for team members to confide in a leader”

In Mark 4, the Bible mentions an incident where Jesus had to travel with the disciples on a ship. It’s interesting to know that Jesus was sleeping on a pillow in the stern (the back of the ship), while the disciples were having a nice time talking with each other and enjoying the great view as the ship sailed.

Suddenly, a storm arose, and the waves violently rocked the ship, driving the disciples into a sense of fear for life. When a crisis occurred, they did not bat an eyelid before they went running to Jesus, waking him up and seeking his counsel. The disciples knew their leader was their go-to person when faced with a situation beyond their control. They were confident Jesus would have a solution. He calmed the storm by saying a few words — “Quiet! Be still”.

“When the leader spoke, there was peace and calm. There is power in the words of a leader”

4. Do I speak on behalf of the innocent?

In a way, leaders are privileged to have the authority and say in many things that others otherwise may not entail. Though this can be perceived as an entitlement, as the saying goes, ‘with great power comes great responsibility’. Leaders are expected to use the power in their hands to build others and bring fairness to everyone they can influence.

Proverbs 31:8–9 — 8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,for the rights of all who are destitute. 9 Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

The Bible encourages us to use our words to speak up for the underprivileged and those waiting to be heard. We need to be fair when trying to mediate a dispute without any biases or ill intentions and always root for justice. Our words need to bring justice and fairness to those that are restrained.

Proverbs 3:27-28 — 27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,when it is in your power to act. 28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you” — when you already have it with you.

Leaders are above biases. They should use their authority to bring good to the community.

The Don’ts:

1. Do I gossip knowingly or unknowingly?

Do you know there are two types of gossip? There is one we deliberately do and the other where we gossip unintentionally. Either way, gossiping is not an admirable quality. It’s a disrespectful act to commit. Most of the time, we end up gossiping without realizing the harm and hurt it creates. The Bible vehemently condemns gossip.

Proverbs 20:19 — A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.

Imagine how much a leader should distance themselves from gossiping. A leader should be strong enough to nip in the bud if there is a gossip culture brewing within the team. If there is a contention between two individuals, that would need to be sorted out face to face and never spoken behind their back. A leader mediates and brings conflicts to closure.

2. Do I talk too much?

We all know, anything too much ends up bringing trouble. Words are not spared from this universal law. Here’s how the Bible deals with talking too much.

Proverbs 10:19 — In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.

There are times when one would have the need to talk, but there are instances when it’s better to keep silent. A great leader knows when to speak and when not to. The Bible says the one who restrains his lips is wise. I always believed that one cannot talk a lot and make sense of all of it. It simply doesn’t add up. There is a huge probability that when we talk a lot, we could begin digressing and lack focus, eventually sounding immature. Moreover, those that speak a lot lose respect with others around them. So let us refrain from speaking unnecessarily.

3. Do I offend people by my words?

Offensive words are not rare in today’s world. Turn on the TV and watch a news hour debate, and you are readily showered with an avalanche of offenses spewed at people. Gone are those days when politicians and leaders displayed restraint in what they speak and how they communicate. I recently watched an election debate and witnessed world leaders hurling insults at each other, even targeting each other’s family members. That’s how low we have stooped down in our values.

Proverbs 15:1 — A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

A leader’s words should be unbiased and softer. They should never include any religious, racial, or any other discriminatory tone to it. Leaders, let’s watch out.

In summary, ‘words’ constitute a lot to what our inward character is. It serves as a gateway into seeing our intrinsic selves and our value systems. Let us take the effort to nurture our words and use them wisely to become an exemplary leader.

Excerpt from: 10 Pragmatic Leadership Principles from the Bible available on Amazon